Can you change? The short answer is a resounding YES!!!! You can change many things about your life!!! Many people feel stuck in a way of engaging the world that makes them either a bit or completely miserable. There are many reasons for you or me to feel that we are stuck or stagnant. The main reason is that we identify our sense of self with the habits we picked up along the way. That is not who we are.
Please consider that if that had been who you are, then you would be delighted about it! The tension you feel is based on the deep knowledge that the way you are going about the world is not all there is for you. This is because your deeper and wiser self knows this and lets you know. Somewhere inside you, you know there is “a disconnect.” Those feelings of disconnect and the emotions you feel are useful. They are meant to activate you.
Emotions are there to tell us when things are not going according to our needs. We get stuck in patterns, so our emotions tell us. We get stuck with the wrong person, our emotions tell us. If things are not working with the right person, our emotions let us know. We have a job that is not the right job, or we need to change our relationship to it, our emotions tell us. We are getting nowhere, our emotions tell us. We went too far, our emotions tell us. The trick is to pay attention.
Paying attention may be difficult if we don’t know how to deal with the feelings and thoughts, or if our imaginations are stunted by beliefs of inadequacy or not being good enough. Feeling something is off and feeling incapable of dealing with it can be overwhelming, especially if you do not have the right tools. I work with many individuals facing this problem in my psychotherapy practice all the time.
Many of my clients berate themselves for not knowing how to get around these feelings or believe that they “should” know everything about life. If they don’t know everything, some feel as if there is something wrong with them. This is the kind of irrational “black and white” thinking that we all engage in sometimes, but in certain situations can be a hindrance. It is completely illogical to think you should know how to handle everything. Unfortunately, we often do!
Life is constantly changing and it is totally possible we may be faced with something new. The good news is that changing behaviours is much easier than it looks! We are constantly changing without even thinking about it. The behaviours we erroneously believe to represent who we are take more trouble changing because we hold on to them as if they were us. But we are not behaviours. We are not choices. We engage in behaviours, and we make choices. These are actions, and we do have control of our actions.
If faced with new situations in your youth, you probably welcomed it as interesting. You faced it with curiosity. Even if it made you afraid, like a horror movie, you were fascinated by it. Kids spend years exercising their flexibility and curiosity, and their ability to learn. At some point, as adults, we pick up a “we should know everything” attitude. We abandon our curiosity and imagination. I have seen hundreds and hundreds of my clients and student dust those abilities off and get them back working. I have helped many people turn the switch on again.
In my work, my clients often learn to process their experience in more flexible ways and together we figure out ways in which they can evolve that are in sync with each individual’s values, goals and dreams. We tease out your goals, even some you may not have had in mind for a while. Sometimes life pushes you to forget what you are about and we develop a protective complacency when we abandon the hope of making it work. Life can do that to us. But deep inside you, you know somewhere that you got what it takes, and you know somewhere that this is not working. Your “calling” is still calling.
When you know deep in your soul that you need to move, I can help you along the path. My expertise is in helping you along this journey, understanding your fears and vulnerabilities, and focusing on your strengths and resilience. I start by listening to you, and I offer you my insight. We collaborate in a plan of action, to which you contribute by bringing me your thoughts and feelings. I contribute to it my experience having helped people over 20+ years identify their strengths, find their courage, dust off their imagination, and invigorate their sense of possibility. Then we work together until you feel you accomplished your goals.
You will know when you are done needing my help. I will know too! I check-in every session and keep tabs on your goals, on your safety, and confidentiality. It will not take an eternity. I tend to be a keen therapist, one that works fast and engages with you actively it in a kind and compassionate fashion. Sometimes it takes a couple of meetings, sometimes a bit longer. At that point, when either you or I think we are ready, I will suggest we have a last session to look at what worked, so you can reinforce it and take away your learning and new awareness.
If you have any questions about any of this, contact me by using the contact form under the CONTACT ME tab or click on the buttons. I also offer completely free “Meet and Greet” sessions, which I invite you to use (Check the APPOINTMENTS tab).